Truly, Madly.. Tired

AS always the idea to write, has once again become this bigger than I am actually am feat-
I want to write but most days too exhausted to pull together more than just a list of things that need done..

I LOVE writing more than anything else as a hobby- and it is NOT JUST a hobby for me
it is a way to get my ideas, feelings, and venting out without tiring the poor sap who has decided to be  "good friend" by listening but grows tired from hearing all the "drama"-

it is not necessarily that I have drama, or that my life is more dramatic then most- for me it is everyday life- just as your life is everyday for you (unless something new happens) and there is always something new but what I mean is the everyday hum-drum activities and goings ons..some people will not understand my life, and I too, will not understand someone else's life

writing is by far better- I don't have to filter thoughts, ideas, words, or anything- I feel totally free to express myself like any artists does-

NO I am not saying I am a "artist" nor did I imply in the sentences above I am a GOOD writer but nonetheless I love to write


I have come to the conclusion that when one is tired they are truly mad- could be crazy mad, or angry but either way they are mad-

angry mad because lets face it lack of sleep usually doesn't  make A PERSON FEEL BETTER, OR HAPPY

and crazy mad because sometimes one can become delusional- and its not a joke to be severely sleep deprived

I am not sure what category of mad I fall under- maybe both as my feelings alternate between the 2.

I am not even sure what is going on when I sleep but hubby is concerned because I have more seizures in my sleep- I am not even sure I can call whatever that happens in my sleep seizures but I am not shivering, nor cold, It is not because I had a dream I fell or this sort of thing- it is something I am unaware of and something my body does whilst asleep- (especially when I am lacking sleep) and it is consistent convulsion like movements none of which I am controlling nor aware of.

I am not sleeping well because the twins most nights will sleep an hour or so then wake up and refuse to go back to bed- and I am up til 2,3 or 4 am- then a few hours of sleep before getting up at 6:30 am to take the older kids to school- it is not that I am complaining but I am very much sleep deprived

Also

My twins who (I thought) got over the phase of getting into things, and I was totally tricked to think this curiosity of sorts stopped as no issues in 8 months would indicate improvement, and understanding ..

I can barely go to the bathroom now- as the other night I went to the bathroom and they were all content watching Daniel tigers neighborhood and about 7 minutes later I find a whole jar of hair cream (which they have been trying to open for weeks and never were capable of opening) and they smeared nearly the entire 4 kg tub all over half of living room- shoe closet, inside of front door, all along wall, couch, and carpet and not to mention themselves- all while the older 3 DD 8 years, DS 5, and DD 4 watching them as if what they were doing was normal.

I wasn't even sure what to do as far as punishment but I was contemplating on whether or not I should let them stay up- and THAT idea totally left my mind as I decided that 8:30 was bedtime- I cleaned up the younger 2, and the older 3 went to bed- then for 1 hour proceeded to clean this thick hair cream off of everything- and it got clean but took a lot of energy from me

yesterday, I went to pick up older 2 from school- hubby was supposed to be up and getting ready for work as he usually leaves shortly after arriving from school with the kids.
however, he has been sleep deprived as well and fell back to sleep- the twins got into a very tan foundation that should have been thrown out anyway  and rubbed it all over their faces, arms, stomachs, and legs and MOST of their bodies (except for a few hilarious Caucasian "splotches") were covered and it was a cream based foundation so actually cleaning it off was very difficult- and then end result left a residue in the tub that took 45 minutes to scrub out.

I would love it if I didn't have all these extra messes so I could focus on everyday things- laundry, etc and have a clean organized place but it almost never happens because I usually do not have the amount of energy it takes to get it all done in a day- and everyday is a circle- I can't catch up - I am just doing the same I did the day before but it never all gets done/.. I have thought if I could get a family member to care for them for a few days I would totally clean and organize everything because my life is stressful enough and the disorganization of the whole place makes me frustrated..


I guess it is something that most mom's go through- is it worth it TOTALLY WITHOUT A DOUBT but it is hard-

I'm back

So it has been years since I posted, and 5 kids later and (for now) family planning is at a hault


The oldest DD just turned 8, DS  5, DD #2  just turned 4, and DD #3 and #4 are 2.5 years.

I put my blogs on the back burner for a LONG while and was reading my oldest the very few posts I have written and published and it made me remember when the kids were much smaller and made me happy and sad all in the same time! Time has gone by so fast!!

I am still enjoying being a SAHM for now, and sometimes thinking it wouldn't be so bad if we planned for another but for now things are good how they are and Alhamdulilah for the most part we are all happy!!

???

So i just noticed i have not posted in almost a year??? i have been mentally preoccupied and trying to keep up with my 8 mth old who is getting into everything.. my sassy 4 (nearly 5 yr old) and trying to keep it together while my son is in Egypt *not a day goes by i don't think about him.

Not so many things are new, Sophia is not eligible for kindergarten because her birthday falls 3 days after deadline (for 5 yr olds) and they just WON'T let her sign up.. or else they would have to let everyone else.. she was so looking forward to going.. then i am thinking about possibly also home schooling because i don't want children to be vaccinated any longer.. so much to think about!!!

10 weeks Inshallah

So i have about 10 more weeks to go before Nadiya will be born. Inshallah. I am excited and scared. I do not know how difficult it will be with 3. I am having a hard time with 2 Subhanallah. Yousef has got 4 teeth now and getting a mouth full. and not only is he walking but running Mashallah. Sophia has mastered potty training and has no accidents since i moved to the new apartment. Now i have washer, dryer, and dishwasher Alhamdulilah. My cleaning does not nearly take me as long as it used to and it is a relief because my whole body is swollen, and i have grown very sluggish because of this weight with the baby. I am tried all the time, but with 2 kids and no help it makes it that much harder Subhanallah. Just wanted to update as i have not wrote in so long and after nearly 1 mth in my new place i finally got net today.. Alhamdulilah

I Can't believe it

I found out i was pregnant on March 10th (my birthday) and supposedly conceived around Feb 21-26. Well Dr.s say according to my "first, of the last monthly" i am due November 14th Inshallah, and just so excited.. i looked back at my posts and realize i had started having baby fever around Jan and conceived in Feb. SubhanAllah! That is just so wonderful and i am so very grateful. In more related news.. baby names.. well if its a boy it has been decided he will be Hamza. Girls names not sure of now since Hubby's sister stole our name.. (i'm serious, and YES she knew) but there are lots of other beautiful names and Inshallah we will find one that will suit our child. Just hoping the baby remains healthy the whole pregnancy Inshallah.

i am 11 weeks and counting.. and so excited to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time.Inshallah


My son Yousef is doing well Alhamdulilah but his teeth are not coming in. He has 2 teeth and has for about 2 months now and still is just cruising too afraid to walk Alhamdulilah.

Safiya has mastered potty training (pretty much) and has only 2 accidents in 2 months and goes to bed (sleeps ups to 10hrs) with "big girl pants"

Other than being so very tired, and sick all is well Alhamdulilah

Baby Blues

I want to have another baby. My son  won't be 10 mths until the 25th of this month. He is still so young, yet i want another baby inshallah. So Allahu ahlam when i will be blessed with another child, but there is no need to put family planning on hold because hubby thinks natural is best and so do i.

MashaAllah these babies are too cute!!

Stinky Pants

Okay so my 3 yr old still is not potty trained yet completely. UGH!! So frustrating. I don't mind changing baby diapers.. but she is NOT a baby especially when she eats more than i do.. so for now i am trying to find an easier way.. just trying to be patient.. so if anyone has any ideas let me know.. because this stubborn girl of mine will not go #2 for nothing!! candy only works sometimes..

Kissy Face

Yousef puckered up his lips and made a big smootch noise and gave me air kiss after i kissed him today. it was too cute. I don't think there is anything more rewarding than the love your children show for you.

Yousef or Hamza

I wanted to just tell a short story on how we decided on the name Yousef for our baby boy who is now 9 mths MashaAllah.

When we found out i was pregnant, we were discussing names shortly thereafter. We found a moslem baby names site and browsing all the names.. I picked out three and hubby and  i agreed on quite a few and couldn't choose just one. So we chose the name Hamza. Although this is not my favorite name of all time and InshaAllah if and when we have another boy i will name him by my favorite name. But anyways i loved the name Hamza. So cute. So when my family started asking me what would we name our baby alot of them said they could nickname him Hammy for short (if he was on the chubby side meaning he is a pig). I freaked out.. ahh! a moslem named Hammy, are you kidding after something haram.. i started to think too if kids chose to tease him in school what would they say.. and so i prayed about it.. because the name you choose to name your child is very important as it will stick with them for life, and i didnt want people to nickname him anything especially something with a bad connotation.


In this time i was listening to Mishary Rashid recite Surat Al Yousef.Thought about the name and how i liked it even before i was moslem. (Joseph) Yousef had a very nice sound. Anyways i didnt bring it up to hubby and decided to wait, and digest all the information first. Going back to think of the other names we chose.(Yousef still stuck out in my mind though) with hubby not knowing anything this is what totally sealed the baby boys name in my stomach..

Hubby had said when he was about 15 or 16 his sister would tease him (by a very respectful way) and say "when you get married your going to have a boy first and name him Yousef and forever after you will be known as Abou Yousef" So his sisters all started calling him Abou Yousef when he was just 15 or 16. I had heard the stories before, but it didnt really mean anything til the last time he was talking about it. Hubby didnt realize to at this time i had considered changing the babys name to something else other than Hamza.

So when i told him i wanted to change the name from Hamza to Yousef. He thought about it a little. I could see he liked the idea because he had a huge smile on his face.
You know, (he said) deep down always wanted to be known as Abou Yousef, but i didnt want to force my wife to name our child that.. and kind of had my mind set you would choose a different name, but i couldnt be more happy" he smiled and looked at me "Okay Umm Yousef, Let us go to eat now" and we went for halal chinese.

Little did i know that the name would fit our little boy so perfectly.. i look at him and sometimes inside myself and say Hamza.. no no no that wont do.. he doesnt look like a Hamza..

Ya Yousef, Yebni Yousef. His name suits him just fine. and i am so happy we chose that name for him.
Alhamdulilah

The names we had picked out:
Hamza, Younus, Hafiz, Hakim, and Yousef. (we had a few others but these are the ones we agreed on)

Expecting.. Coming Soon.

To get some more sleep that is..
Anyways in other news even though Yousef is only 8 mths i want to have another one. (We want 4 or 5 more InshaAllah) and though i am still young enough, i'm not getting any younger and i want to have them close in age. Hubby said when Yousef is 2 we can have another. So I took that to mean when Yousef is a year old because if i was able to conceive shortly after Yousef turned 1, then Yousef would be almost 2 when the baby was born.. :) Not trying to hurry them along just hoping they won't be so far apart in age. So InshaAllah things will work out. and Sometime soon will be adding baby #3 to my blog posts InshaAllah!

It's a big world baby

Safiya and i were hanging out this morning, and she wanted to see cartoons on youtube and i found this video. (below)While listening to it,  i cried my eyes out.. MashaAllah she has gotten so big and its crazy how fast the time goes by.. Makes me happy and sad all in the same time.. This is why we should cherish every moment we have with our little ones because they won't be little forever.  Make sure you give your little ones extra hugs and kisses today!! InshAllah.
   
It's a big world baby, and your little for a little while
Its a big world baby, you can fiddle in your own style
Its a big sun, Its a big tree, Its a big boat, Its a big sea
Its a big dog, Its a big plane, its a big cloud, with a little bit of rain
It's a big world baby, and your little for a little while
Its a big world baby, you can fiddle in your own style

Its a big house, Its big chair, Its a big zoo, its a big bear
its a big street, its a big car, its a big sky, with pretty little stars
It's a big world baby, and your little for a little while
Its a big world baby, you can fiddle in your own style

Its a small book, Its a small shell, Its small bird, Its a small bell
Its a small cup, Its a small toy, Its a small girl, Its a small boy
Its small coin, Its a small ring, Its a big world for every little thing
It's a big world baby, and your little for a little while
Its a big world baby, you can fiddle in your own style

Fake Hungry:

Our appetites can be quite the pranksters.  It often fools us to think we are hungry, when often, we may be suffering from something completely different.  Distinguishing between false hunger and true hunger will help you know when your body really needs food and when it needs something else.

1. Hunger Due to Eating the Wrong Food: Symptoms include craving high sugar foods or feeling “hungry” soon after eating a meal.  If you just had a big meal that is high in simple carbohydrates and did not contain fiber, protein or healthy fat, all of which help provide a sense of satiety, you may have experienced a drop in blood sugar. In this case, have a healthy snack, such as a piece of fresh fruit and nuts, or cottage cheese or celery and peanut butter or 1/2 of a sandwich on whole grain bread).
2. Emotional Hunger: Sometimes, our appetites can go haywire when we are experiencing boredom, fear, anxiety, stress or loneliness. Try taking a walk, journaling, listening to some favorite music, calling a friend or chewing a piece of mint gum instead. Read a book, go to a “safe place” like a library or museum or park where you will not be tempted to overeat or distracted by food. Take a bath, meditate, or think about what REALLY would satisfy you, vs. eating to stuff down emotions you do not want to confront.
3. Hunger Due to Sleepiness: Experts at www.WebMD.com state that two major hormones, leptin and ghrelin, affect and control sensations of hunger and fullness. Ghrelin stimulates appetite, while leptin, made in fat cells, alerts the brain that you have had enough to eat. Lack of sleep causes a significant drop in leptin levels as well as an increase in ghrelin levels, a so called double whammy for appetite control and feelings of satiety.  Daytime fatigue may lead people to overeat (often, high sugar, nutrient poor foods) in an attempt to get an extra surge of energy. This is equivalent to placing a Band-Aid on the true problem. It provides only temporary relief, which is soon followed by a crash in energy levels and a resurgence of “hunger” leading to more snacking, increased sugar cravings, etc….a vicious cycle.  If you are feeling mid-afternoon hunger pains, try: a brisk 10 min walk around the block (fresh air helps, as does exercise, to boost alertness and increase circulation), a cup of green tea (high in antioxidants and low in caffeine relative to coffee), a 1/4 cup of almonds and a small apple (high in protein, healthy fat and carbohydrates, low in sugar, and a good source of magnesium and fiber). Even taking a few deep breaths can help curb fatigue!
4. Hunger Due to Thirst: We often mistake thirst for hunger. Try drinking a glass or two of water to identify whether you are truly hungry or just slightly dehydrated, in which case water is the perfect antidote!

When you are really experiencing true hunger, however, it is pretty clear to identify.  For instance, a growling stomach will cause us to be cranky and unfocused…until we get some food, that is! If it has been four hours since your last meal or snack, you may well be truly hungry. Don’t ignore true hunger…doing so may exacerbate it and cause you to overeat to compensate for the missed calories. It is important to eat regularly and consistently to keep energy levels elevated and avoid dips in blood sugar. Try to include fruits and vegetables at each meal and snack, along with some protein (cheese, beans, lean meat/poultry/fish) and some healthy fat (avocado, olives, nuts, oil). This whole foods approach will help keep you at a healthy weight and lessen the likelihood for emotional hunger to rear its head!
Written by Brooke Joanna Benlifer, RD (www.brookejoannanutrition.com) for Sheer Balance

Stop screaming already

Image via Wikipedia

Yousef and Safiya love to scream and lately it has been driving me bananas!!
They take turns and even wake each other up in the process so neither one of them can nap.
and Hubby wants to sleep in the car.. lol.. too bad it is too cold and he'd freeze.. that would be hard to explain..

In other news Safiya thinks the snow is ice cream and wants to go outside to eat it.. She whined for over an hour to let her have some" icee cweam"
i then distracted her with Dora coloring book and crayons..

But ice cream does sound good about now..